After my last post, one commenter asked why I thought I had more time than one year. Well, I guess that would be the law of averages and the actuarial tables. Though the commenter was correct, no one knows how long he or she has left, overall, the exercise left me feeling very good about how my life is now.
Most of the things I put on my list were things I could and would only do only if I were guaranteed that I wouldn’t have more than a year. Since we have to plan for retirement, I’d never cash in my retirement account now. Since I’d have to pay off the 45 visa cards, I can’t run up the bill with a fancy party. I can’t eat all the butter and chocolate I’d like to eat, or I will only have a year! Since one of us has to work to pay for little things like food and the mortgage, I can’t ask my husband to stop working for a year. Well, you get the point.
My sister’s early death was horrible, but it left me with the kind of life I may otherwise not have known. She made me realize how short life is and helped me refocus. Instead of working 60 or 70 hours a week trying to get a boss who I didn’t even like to like me, I am home with my daughter. I think this choice would have been unimaginable to me 10 years ago, and now I cannot imagine being happier.
I do breathe in The Girl’s scent. I do take naps with her (though in a bed, not a hammock). I do shop at the farmer’s market. I do make fresh meals. Norman and I spend all our free time together. I fly home to see my family every other month. All of the things in that post that I feel I can do now, I am doing. And yes, I do realize how lucky that makes me.
Although … I still haven’t been able to give up the TV or the computer. I don’t even watch much TV anymore – maybe 4 or 5 hours a week at most, but it is a security blanket I would hate to give up. I have a real love/hate relationship with the computer. I love catching up with friends, family and blogs, but I hate how much time it eats. It’s yet another addiction that might require a 12 step program.
I guess what we all have to do is find that balance between “living like there is no tomorrow” and “planning for the future.” My balance might not be perfect, but it is damn good, and I am thankful for that.
2 responses so far ↓
Lauralea // April 2, 2008 at 12:29 pm |
Amen. I’ve always been impressed by your perspective and your life. It takes courage to go against the flow, and dropping a career mid-career to have a baby and then actually stay home to watch her grow is something that a lot of people don’t get. I wish more of my friends could give themselves permission to make choices that would give them happiness and contentment. Life’s too short, any way you slice it, to just exist. Life is meant to be LIVED. So good on ya.
Lani ~ The Wooden Porch // April 2, 2008 at 5:16 pm |
I hear you on the computer thing. Did you know that it may even be classified as a medical addiction?
I enjoyed this post and your last.